Why I've Been MIA...

Some of you...if anyone stuck with me on here...may have realized that I have been MIA for a while, like 5 months awhile. I guess now is a good enough time as any to catch everyone up. Literally right after I had blogged my last post about 3 months left until the big day the shit hit the fan...and it hit hard! I have been holding off writing this post because one, I honestly didn't think anyone would continue to follow me and two, I was embarrassed and felt like a failure for a long time....so here I go.

We had been having a rough time on the in-law front but after our two vacations I thought that things were getting a little better. The vacations seemed to help and we were dealing with the punches little by little. I realized I had been mistaken when Kevin came home and informed me that he did not want this anymore. And when you ask what is "this?" I can't really tell you, because 5 months later I still don't have an answer. Without going into too much detail here's what happened. I thought everything was good, that we had become a united front. We came back from vacation refreshed and had just had a good night out for a friend's birthday. The next day something didn't seem right with him. When I asked him he refused to talk to me and kept saying nothing was wrong....the next day he came home talking about how him and his parents had made up (without me present or involved, or an apology for me) and now he felt that we should all get along and sweep everything under the rug. This is after a huge betrayal, threats, and ultimatums on their part. I told him that I wasn't happy they cornered him into talking to them without me and that I would listen to what they had to say but things would not be okay for a while. He called me every name in the book, said I was being a drama queen, and loved having drama in my life and was dragging this on. Now for anyone that knows me you can laugh at this statement, as I stay away from drama and don't like to come near it with a ten foot pole. Well the next day is when he informed me that he couldn't do "this." After hours of asking him what "this" was he said the wedding. When I asked him if this stemmed from not wanting to get married in general or to me he couldn't say. I still don't think he even knows as his answers ranged from I don't want to get married in general, to I think we should push back the wedding, to I don't want to get married but I want to stay in a relationship.

Are you confused? Because I sure was from the lack of straight answers. When I asked how long he wanted to push back the wedding for and why after 2 1/2 years was he telling me this now he didn't know. I told him that I wasn't going to waste waiting around for him to decide when he was ready to make a commitment when I had already wasted 2 1/2 years already. Did he want me to wait around another year only to start planning again and then 3 months before tell me he wasn't ready again!? So what had we been doing all this time.

After days of me trying to get him to talk and explain this decision to me, which he dropped this on me then wouldn't come home, or talk to me about his reasons, to him telling me that he didn't need therapy because it's only for crazy people...he came home after work packed his bags and said he was staying at his parents. Told me he was sorry, which was not genuine at all, and walked out. I spent the next week crying non stop, feeling sorry for myself, packing, and over analyzing every detail to try and understand why he was doing this.

Then the clouds parted, I got my butt off the couch and just said to myself, what the hell am I doing? Why am I letting this piece of shit make me feel this way? And that's the day the tears stopped. I made the conscious decision that if someone I thought loved me could just get up and walk away after 2 1/2 years together and 10 years as friends without as much as a reason then this person clearly is not worth my time, tears or energy. I packed up my stuff and got the hell out of our apartment.

You know the George Straight song, She Let Herself Go? That's exactly what I did. Had the time of my life, worked on me, instead of taking care of an over sized child, hung out with friends and just lived. I couldn't believe how happy I was and finally realized how miserable I was with him and that I almost settled with someone that I never would have been happy with my entire life. Him leaving and showing just how immature he is was the best thing to happen to me and I can say that and truly mean it. And you know what...I found a man that makes me so happy I never thought this level of happiness with someone could exist. He treats a woman the way we should be treated.

So don't feel sorry for me...this story has a happy ending! I now realize what I should deserve and I have it! It's a brand new chapter in my life and I can't wait to see what's next. So stick with me! I'll keep you posted on life in Upstate NY and the amazing summer that I had while saying hello to fall and new beginnings!

Must Ingest Cocktails!!!

So some of you may have noticed that I haven't posted in a while....and I am here to apologize. I have debated even writing this post, but not doing so and posting like everything is okay would not be right. You see, in the past couple weeks a lot has come out. Not only have we had a lot of health scares in the family, which has lead to surgeries, long hospital stays, and illness, but there is also someone in town. This person is an unwanted guest, and with almost three months until the wedding shows no signs of leaving anytime soon.

That's right....the drama llama is in town. Without going into detail, I will just say that a lot of people's true colors have come through. Especially people who are close and who we thought were legitimately happy for us and our upcoming wedding. We have found out that these people our making something that should be such a happy time for us, and something to look forward to all about themselves, and we have seen those green horns of jealousy come out. It has put added stress on us, but has actually made our relationship much stronger. Things will not be okay between these people for a long time....if ever, and it has come to our attention that they feel nothing has been done wrong, which leads us to believe that no acknowledgement of wrong doing or apology will be coming anytime soon.

Good news is, the fiance and I are leaving Upstate NY (right before this huge storm we are supposed to get tonight!), for a weekend trip to DC to visit some long time friends. It is just what we need to clear our heads and wrap our brains around all the ridiculousness that has come to light!

So hopefully I will be back with a clear mind and ready to tell you all about our time!

Love Letters and Vino

This idea grabbed my attention as soon as I came across it. I mean, it deals with wine...I love wine...this project equals winner! What I am talking about is a wine box ceremony.

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The idea is that before the wedding you take the time to write your partner a letter, expressing your thoughts about the good qualities that you found in them, the reasons you fell in love with them, and your hopes and dreams for the future. You then place them in sealed envelopes. You pick out your favorite wine (preferably something that can last over the years), and two wine glasses to include in your box.

The Officiant will usually be the one to place the items in the box and then will seal it shut themselves, or with the help of you family. You can do it by lock and key or nails are the most preferred methods. Then you open it on a key Anniversary, like your 5th, 10th, 15th...really whenever you want. Couples also open them early if they are going through a particular rough time in their marriage, and it is used as a sort of saving grace.

Although I love the idea of opening letters down the road, we already have our unity candle and are happy using just that.

Then I thought, why not do this ourselves, in our home. And we could pick an Anniversary to open it on. We don't need a priest to do this. So that was my game plan. Lucky for me, Michael's was having a 50% off sale on the box I had been eyeballing for a while....are you seeing the trend with Michael's here? It could also be that it is less than a mile from my work and I drive by it to go home, but I digress.

Here is the lovely that I picked up for $12!

This will definitely fit a bottle of wine, two glasses, and letters. I plan on getting some styrofoam and satin to make a nice inside. The box has two latches and two snaps, I think that will be sufficient enough, we don't need anything fancy. And we can keep it somewhere out of the way, but in sight in the house. 

I was completely sold on the idea, until I came across another use for it...damn me and constantly looking at wedding websites! We would still be able to use the idea of opening it on an Anniversary, but this would involve more people. In particular, all the people that come to our rehearsal. We would give each guest a numbered card (1-50?, or some variation of that), they write a short letter to us on the card and seal it in an envelope. The envelopes go in the box, then on the Anniversary corresponding with the number you open the card and read it while drinking some awesome wine. 

Sold! What I am thinking, is handing out numbers 1-9, then every 5 years, so 15, 20, 25, 30, and on and on. We would still write each other letters, and open them on our 10 year Anniversary! Then of course every Anniversary you open it and drink the bottle of wine you buy another one to put in the box for next time. 

It would be a great way to read letters from our family and love ones over the years!

Is anyone else incorporating a wine box? Are you doing something different for your ceremony?

The Ugly Crier Face

Growing up I was a rock. Nothing affected me, I never cried. I was a tom boy at heart, had a thick skin, and wouldn't crack for anyone. I don't know when the hell that all changed and I became a blithering, sad sap that will cry at the drop of a hat. Seriously, watching a movie (Into the Wild) bawled, reading a book (7th Harry Potter) not just bawling, but heart wrenching sobs. Seriously, it has gotten ridiculous. My cousin got married two years ago, here I am a bridesmaid, standing up on the alter and I swear my face looked like this.

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And that was just from hearing the wedding march. For real what is a bride to do? I know I am going to cry walking down the aisle, and I'm okay with that. What I don't want is images from our fabulous photographer, and all of them to look like the above exhibit! 

How do I tame the waterworks?